alone, again, forever.

Not the needle
Nor the thread

Not you, not me. Alone again. Sorrow. Sadness. Sickness. When will I be complete, or am I destined to be hollow. Empty. Alone.

Again.

another closer to death and more life.

never occured to me untill about twelve minutes ago.

it's all silent here. quiet. a whisper is a scream. everyone was asleep. not me, no. i'm perinnially insomnic, but that's a different story. the glare from the ipad screen is deafening. the sound of the soft music in my ears is blinding. me?

oh i was doing some research. that's what i normally do at half past eleven, don't worry.

my phone went off. for a terrifying instant i thiught i might wake the others. i didn't. 

i look to my phone. someone had texted me.

happy birthday, dickhead :D

oh well.

I planned on doing this four days ago, but I couldn't do it poetically. Just didn't come to me. So I'm saying this upfront.

I went scuba diving four days ago. It was.

I had to wake up at six thirty in the morning (or six fucking thirty, as a particular friend of mine might put it) and drive about twenty kilometers to the jetty. The weather was pleasant, perfect for diving, about thirty degrees centigrade. The dive site was an hours journey from the jetty, and by the time we got there it was about eight.

This was the second time diving for me, and, let me be honest, i was pretty darned nervous.

Splash. Straight into the water. Twenty feet in. We did the drill, did the skill exercises, and all the other formal bullshit that needed to be done.

Then the fun starts. I could tell you about the millions of fish and jellyfish and strange things that didn't have a name. I could tell you that we dived on an eighteenth century shipwreck. I could tell you that I got stung by a fish with a minor poison. But why?

I can tell you this, though. If you haven't ever dived before,

Go fucking do it.

as long as eye'm hear.

i think my brain doesn't like to differentiate between sound smell feeling and sight. i think it's all a mixture of everything because i like seeing the world like that. it's all multidimentional. it's all magical. but i don't believe in magic now, do i?

it's all so confusing. so many thoughts here there everywhere nowhere.

let me give you an example. if i listen to a song, i feel a gentle breeze blow. if i hear a particular persons name, it smells like the earth after the rains. if i eat chocolate cake, i hear a song playing somewhere in my mind. if i see a lamp it smells like summer.

i could go on.